Sadness

The end of the holidays is here, and I have just been in my craft room mucking around with that helpless feeling that if I start something it will just go in the WIP pile, to be forgotten for a long, long time. Bitter experience tells me that once school starts I will be stressed, exhausted, depressed and struggling to keep on top of everything. Why do it? I ask myself the same question all the time. I guess the answer is that once you have a permanent teaching position you cling onto it for dear life. The money keeps us from worrying about money too much, and the holidays are great. Plus dear Johnny says he would find it hard to go to work if I wasn't and it wouldn't be fair. All I want to do is grow vegetables, keep my garden pretty and make beautiful things. I have Monty and Miss Dog for company, but I guess I would miss all of the people contact that teaching provides. I am proud of what I do for a job, because not everyone could or would want to teach people with intellectual disabilities. But it can be horrid at times.

I really hope that this time it will be different, and that I will be able to get a balance mentally between work and home life. It is pretty grim going to sleep thinking about the problems to deal with at school, then waking up early, thinking about school. Thinking about school all day and not being able to switch it off. I'd much rather be thinking of new ideas for my crafts or garden. These holidays I have been particularly good at compartmentalising school- giving it a bit of attention, then letting it go and focusing on friends, family and fun things. A big achievement for me because I struggle with an anxiety disorder. I think Johnny was so impressed that he rewarded me with my new vege patches for the Vegetable Empire. He has been a wonder, creating, at his own risk, two of the new beds for the potager patch. He has emerged with a sore back and legs, plus a couple of painful hand scrapes. But the gardens are so beautiful! He has started the final two and says he will work on them after school. I can already see the corn, tomatoes, handsome beetroot, and all kinds of lettuces. Oh, and red onions - I grew beauties last year. Plus carrots because they are nice and deep.

I hope to try to blog during the week. Wish me luck.

My pledge: I will do something creative, no matter how small, every day.